Episode Guide for Season #5 of "Mad About You"
for the Usenet newsgroup alt.tv.mad-about-you
Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season5
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Last-modified: 97-12-05
Version: 6.0
This Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" is,
as a collection of information,
Copyright (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com].
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The Fifth Season
(*) Delayed US Telecasts:
On February 4, 1997, the original telecast of episode [5.13]
"Astrology" was pre-empted in the US by NBC's coverage of the
O.J. Simpson civil trial verdict, but continued as scheduled
in Canada. NBC telecast this episode in the US on March 11, 1997.
The first date has been used for assigning the episode number.
In a similar vein, the Tag to episode [5.18] "The Cockatoo" was
pre-empted during the initial NBC telecast for some scenes of the
recording of the new Theme Song sung by Anita Baker. The original
Tag was telecast by NBC during summer re-runs on June 24, 1997.
Telecasts in Syndication:
As of September 1997, episodes from this season are being aired
in syndication in North America, with approximately 1 minute of
content snipped from the original telecasts in 1996-97. Check
your local TV listings for station, days and times of telecast.
An online guide is available to US viewers in select TV markets
at http://www.tmstv.com/cgi-bin/quest/search (search "shows").
Paul Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Reiser
Jamie Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . Helen Hunt
Lisa Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne Ramsay
Fran Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . . Leila Kenzle
Ira Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . John Pankow
Murray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maui
Burt Buchman, Paul's father . . . . Louis Zorich
Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother . . . Cynthia Harris
Debbie, Paul's sister . . . . . . . Robin Bartlett
Theresa Stemple, Jamie's mother . . Carol Burnett
Gus Stemple, Jamie's father . . . . Carroll O'Connor
Joan Golfinos, Debbie's girlfriend . Suzie Plakson
Mark Devanow, Fran's ex-husband . . Richard Kind (voice)
Ryan Devanow, Fran's son . . . . . . Spencer Klein
Maggie Conway, neighbour in 11-C . . Judy Geeson
Ursula, waitress at Riff's . . . . . Lisa Kudrow
Bill Wicker, the super . . . . . . . Jerry Adler
Lance Brockwell, Mayoral candidate . Harry Groener
Troy, Jamie's gopher at work . . . . Patrick Bristow
Vladimir, theonewordman . . . . . . Elya Baskin
Sheila Kleinman, the therapist . . . Mo Gaffney
Marvin, Ira's employee . . . . . . . Jeff Garlin
With Mark Devanow in Europe, Jamie and Paul have to look around for
a gynecologist and Debbie tries to set them up with her girlfriend.
Meanwhile the elder Buchmans finally get to meet Debbie's friend.
Written by: Victor Levin and Larry Charles
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tag: Sylvia and Burt talking to Debbie, about Joan.
Expression: "Get outta here!"
Words: Poetic, magical, sublime, good; Strapping.
Keys:
Buzzing baby, pee-on-a-stick, Ira as Jose, debating
discussing or speculating, the woman thing, Dr. N-O-H
(or Dr. Roh), Dr. Green too (not Anthony Edwards), Ira's
long quest - girlfriend, bakery girl, finally the maid,
bottom of the totem pole, the fish knife, casserole dish,
garlic press and (silently) a whisk, exploring options,
Rhinebeck dishes, soy cheese and aspic, Joan of Oratory.
The debut of Joan Golfinos.
- Debbie: "So! Only 96 hours, 15 minutes and 12 seconds
until Mom and Dad finally meet Joan."
Jamie: "Relax. I'm sure the big news is that you've
a girlfriend."
Paul: "Now you've given them a face to attach to the
sleepless nights spent crying.."
Debbie: "Thank you Paul. See how nice I am when you
come out of the closet."
Paul: [uncertain, to Jamie] "What does she mean by that?"
- Jamie: "All right, you guys, what should we drink to?"
Joan: [to Debbie] "To your family!"
Debbie: "My family.. Dysfunctional, judgemental, intolerant,
oppressive, petty and small."
Paul: "Yes, but we get everything when they die!"
Supporting Cast: Sylvia, Burt and Debbie.
Guest Characters:
Dr. Joan Golfinos . . . . . . . . Suzie Plakson
Dr. Von Derphal . . . . . . . . . John O'Hurley
Ira's girlfriend . . . . . . . . . Victoria Hoffman
Girl at the bakery . . . . . . . . Jann Karam
Consuela, Ira's maid . . . . . . . Norma Maldonado
Jamie tries to stay awake, avoid coffee and continue to manage
Brockwell's campaign. And while Paul is figuring out how to use
a sizeable grant that has come his way, their uncle Phil asks
Paul and Ira to visit him in Brooklyn.
Written by: Jenji Kohan, Victor Levin, Richard Day and
Larry Charles
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tease: Paul and Jamie doing the Macarena, or at least Jamie.
Tag: Uncle Phil rattling off the melons he's got.
Expression: "Got Milk?"
Word: Sifting.
Keys:
Eating for 2 (or 3), sound bites or sound gulps, Berkus
in Albany, the wow kiss (coffee, not cajun), looking for
Kinko's, talking of Java Men, etimology of stupid, Colombian
drug lords at Java Hut, moving the Eagle couch, Foim embrace
all around, Tom Brokaw as a blur, the intrusive peach, cleft
or cliff, a legal pad and 2 sharp Eberhardt #2s.
The debut of Troy and Vladimir, and the second actor to play
Lance Brockwell.
- Paul: "We even have Yah-tzee?"
Jamie: "Yes, we've Yah-tzee! It's right under here."
Paul: "Okay, a little yah-... You *would* *not* believe
the stories he was telling me - we had this welterweight
in our family, this guy who was a fighter in the Thirties,
apparently like, not that great, but he... I mean, like
all these people... What a great idea for a movie! It's
like... my family! Just... Buchmans! That's the name of
the film. You know, over the years, how the Buchmans
came to this country and converged and scattered and
then coursed through the veins of America... to me
that's a great movie, don't you think?"
Guest Characters:
Uncle Phil . . . . . . . . . . . . Mel Brooks
Lance Brockwell . . . . . . . . . Harry Groener
Troy, Jamie's gopher . . . . . . . Patrick Bristow
Brockwell's speechwriter . . . . . Gedde Watanabe
Jamie's co-worker . . . . . . . . Arnetia Walker
Vladimir, theonewordman . . . . . Elya Baskin
A Campaign worker (blue shirt) . . John Freeland Jr.
Kinko's customer . . . . . . . . . Nick Toth
A Reporter . . . . . . . . . . . . Deborah Guyer Greene
Months after setting it up, Jamie and Paul decide to keep their
appointment with the therapist Fran referred them to, but doing
so delays Paul's shoot of his parents' reminiscences, with some
interesting consequences.
Written by: Richard Day
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tag: The therapist dictating her take on the Buchmans.
Word: Bibliotheque.
Keys:
Loving Abbott and hating Costello, the barking disapproval,
reversal of selves, hearing a tone, the Prozac connection,
the Equal moment, a bottle-fed baby, marbled pot-roast at
Emilio's, facing down the other Costello, and finally --
a reckoning.
The debut of Sheila Kleinman.
- Jamie: "I like it, I think it is unique."
Paul: "Unique is not the same thing as good."
Jamie: "You hate it?"
Paul: "Not to the point of barking at it, but I don't like it!"
- Jamie: "I called the therapist today and told her we weren't
coming back."
Paul: "That's good... isn't it?"
Jamie: "I guess... it was stupid to go, right?"
Paul: "Well, nah... it wasn't stupid. You didn't know!"
Supporting Cast: Sylvia, Burt, Lance, Troy and Vladimir.
Guest Characters:
Herb Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Charof
Sheila Kleinman, the therapist . . Mo Gaffney
Paul's cameraman . . . . . . . . . Kenny Moskow
Having chosen the residents of Apartment 11-D as its parents,
the baby in the making deals with musical interludes and parental
cooing, and with lots and lots of choice moments from their years
together. In other words, a clip show.
Written by: Jonathan Leigh Solomon and Leslie Caveny
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Retrospective Sequences by: Chuck Workman
Words: Her and him.
Keys:
Whats and wows, kisses and looks, chanting and warbling,
entrances and more entrances, Warren and Ursula, Y. Ono
and Christie, Lisa and Sylvia, slaps and spits, Fran and
Mark, Mark and Fran, Ira on generations, Murray in life,
dancing and giddyap to the future, First Trimester movement.
- Jamie: "Tell you what was a big hit -- the sound-track of
"Guys and Dolls!"
Paul: "Really?"
Jamie: "See, her daddy loves show-tunes. I thought she ought
to know!"
Paul: "Well, thank you! Did you play him your Hungarian Chants?"
Jamie: "Bulgarian."
Paul: "Whatever."
Jamie: "Yes."
Paul: "And?"
Jamie: "Loved it."
Paul: "Really?"
Jamie: "Yes."
Paul: "How do you know?"
Jamie: "Because I'm the mommy! I can tell."
Filming of Paul's documentary takes him and Burt back for the day
to their old apartment building, and events conspire to make Paul
late for an appointment at Joan's office to hear the baby's
heart-beat for the first time.
Written by: Ron Darian, Victor Levin and Larry Charles
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tag: The Sounds of Paulie.
Expressions: "At this point, yes!" and "I'm your *father*."
Keys:
Hold button and switch-hooks, call waiting, the 5:00PM
appointment, combinations of 435-45 Pelham Parkway,
wrought iron railings and stoops, Hitchcock's cameraman
(who can field-strip an Uzi), a story in flashback with
an arc and a structure, 4-D or 4-E, olives and monikers,
Fallout Shelter sign, The Fugitive search after a
little stroll, Trudy's Soda Fountain, Tom Brokaw's early
Evening News, 5-pack of Bazooka gum, Rusty the cocker
spaniel, the growth door, the 10 to 39 spurt, and
the first heartbeat.
- Joan: "Is he here yet?"
Jamie: "Not yet. Is there anything else you can do?"
Joan: "Well, I've seen all my patients, finished all my
correspondence, alphabetized my files... I'm thinking of
taking up painting!"
Jamie: "I'm sorry! I'm going to *kill* him!"
Joan: "Well, then you couldn't yell at him, what with
him being dead and all."
- Burt: "Don't you think I know which one is the hold button
and which one is the switch-hooks?"
Paul: "I.. I know it. I thought you did, I knew that!"
Burt: "I was just done talking to you, that's all."
Paul: "Which.. which I know now, I understand."
Supporting Cast: Burt and Joan.
Guest Characters:
Akiba, Paul's cameraman . . . . . Christopher Darga
Osofsky . . . . . . . . . . . . . Allan Corduner
Paul, as a youngster . . . . . . Adam Weisman
Irwin, storekeeper in 1964 . . . Zane Lansky
Howard, storekeeper in 1996 . . . Markus Redmond
Artie Zeitlin, the neighbor . . . Floyd Levine
The Stemples arrive at Paul and Jamie's apartment for a two-day
visit armed with a surprise, and another soon follows.
Written by: Maria Semple
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tease: Paul dealing with Jamie's reaction to the sight
and smell of food.
Tag: Theresa helping Gus locate some Tums.
Keys:
Shopping with Thelma and Louise, Tang and Swiss Miss,
shoplifting arrest, powdered beer or candy corn for Poppy,
Da Noise Da Funk, mother jumper (no swearing), separate
entrances, the Stemple buzzing code, sports, politics and
the stock market (Pittsburgh, Perot and IBM), table assembly,
dinner ding and plates over the heads, a 37-year marriage,
interesting mildew patterns, a long talk at the Jets game
(another loss), a short talk back home, almost telling.
The first appearance of Lisa this season.
Appearance of the third pair of actors playing the Stemples.
- Jamie: [the door-bell buzzes and she bumps into furniture]
"Aaaow! Fu.." [starts singing] "..or crying out loud!"
Paul: [approvingly] "For the baby?"
Jamie: "Yes, for the baby!" [shouts at the door] "COMING!"
Paul: [hurrying after her] "Oh, oh, tell me again with
your mother because I blew it the last time... when
she says something is bad, that means it is good?"
Jamie: "No, no, no! When she says it is good, it is bad."
Paul: "Good is bad."
Jamie: "Good is bad, like is loathe, love is hate.
When are you going to get this?"
Paul: "I got it, I got it. So when is it actually good?"
Jamie: "Nobody knows." [she opens the door]
Guest Characters:
Theresa Stemple . . . . . . . . . Carol Burnett
Gus Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . Carroll O'Connor
The Buchmans decide the time and place of their grand announcement
but the leaks start early this Thanksgiving week, at the elevator
outside Joan's office. The pace is fast and furious and the saga
ends with a surprising connection.
Written by: Richard Day
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Jamie clueing Paul in, puzzle-wise.
Tag: Monkeys in Africa figuring out how they heard the news.
Keys:
The glow one can read by, the first telling, 4 steps from
Marlon Brando, the Mickey Rourke bomb, a Thanksgiving Day
date, third-degree under lights, Sanford's secret, Slotkin's
dry scalp, Arturo's mousse, Theresa's scream, Debbie's pie,
the poker game, non-picture of non-grandson, a $100 bribe,
the gathering, the Conways' friends, and Burt's hurt look.
Place and Time of Day captions throughout, "Outbreak" style.
The first appearance of Fran this season.
- Arturo: [to Paul] "You see this mousse? You put this in,
it disappears, no one knows you wear it, makes you look
handsome, no one knows WHY!"
- Ira: "Paulie, would you just give it up? This is like a
virus, this information is spreading all over the place!
You know, there's a monkey in Africa that knows you're
pregnant."
[a bit later]
Debbie: "Two things -- 1) Congratulations, Paulie, this is
wonderful news. I'm so happy I could cry, 2) you're
a son-of-a-bitch!" [she leaves the apartment]
Paul: [calls after her] "Hey, Deb..."
Maggie: [regards him from the doorway]
"What have you done to your hair?"
Paul: "I'm so tired of you." [closes the door]
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Debbie, Joan, Theresa and Maggie.
Guest Characters:
Woman in the elevator . . . . . . Joanna Daniels
Arturo, hairdresser to many . . . Jose Zuniga
WDED-FM disc jockey . . . . . . . Carol Rosenthal
Campanella, the proud grandpa . . Ralph Manza
Mel Slotkin . . . . . . . . . . . Alex Rocco
As himself . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin Bacon
While Ira counsels against it, Paul contemplates abstinence until
July. However Jamie has other ideas and talks Paul into a trip
upstate where they chance upon a dessert item with magical powers.
Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul explaining Baseball to the baby.
Tag: Murray fudging his way to a starry-eyed state.
Keys:
The fragile Jamie, Ira's experience, Paul's adventure, the
Jack Palance push-ups, baby Leon's yard, reaction to a kiss,
last time alone, funky parents, the Estrogen therapy, the
calm Paulie, Gruber's Country Store goodies, the surprise
back at 11-D, crooked picture, mallomars a poor substitute.
- Jamie: "You're not going to break anything."
Paul: "How do you know?"
Jamie: "Because I know, I asked, I read, the fact is
having sex is good for me."
Paul: "Really?"
Jamie: "Yes! It allays anxiety, it fights cramps,
it builds muscle-tone and it's aerobic."
Paul: "When done properly, yes."
- Jamie: [entering the store] "Well, now I'm only starving."
Paul: "All right, let's get you something to eat."
Jamie: "This place is great, isn't it great?"
Paul: [holding up a prop] "Hey! Get me! I'm Eddie Albert!"
Jamie: "I see pitchforks, I see birdhouses, I see
shaving mugs, I see no food at all."
Supporting Cast: Sylvia, Burt and Maggie.
Guest Character:
Mrs. Gruber . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Patterson
Paul so likes playing the Mystery Man at a local gym that he talks
Jamie out of working out there, whereupon she hands over her free
pass to a homeless acquaintance from the neighborhood.
Written by: Victor Levin, Richard Day and Larry Charles
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tease: Making hot fudge sundae in the middle of the night.
Tag: Dreaming about the Mystery Man.
Word: Discerning.
Keys:
Books-A-Plenty closing Weatherby's, some contradictory
recommendations, 10-visit free pass to the oasis, being
nobody's anything, untowering Inferno, lacrosse shoes,
two guys in bad shape, no 2-syllable words, a vegan
bookseller, the pass for "Ask the Dust," Ira's
proposition at the library, Jamie's stand at the gym.
- Jamie: "What do you think about this?"
Paul: "Oh, I'm so happy not to be in this conversation!"
Jamie: "Yeah, well..."
Paul: "I think it is.. y'know, it is one of those situations
where truly there are no winners."
Jamie: "Wow, could you be more wishy-washy?"
Guest Characters:
Virgil . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bruno Kirby
Dante . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Parducci
Virgil's friend . . . . . . . . . John Toles-Bey
Italian customer at the gym . . . Alfonso de Rose
Gym clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . Elizabeth Larou
Clerk at Books-A-Plenty . . . . . Karen Gracey
Jamie finally lets her co-workers and Lance know about the baby,
while Ira, turning money man and producer for "Buchman" actually
manages to produce a narrator, at least in voice.
Written by: Jonathan Leigh Solomon, Ron Darian and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Huh-ing for attention.
Tag: Water-tasting for discrimination.
Keys:
Fatter and fatter for 9 months, tug-o-zipper, out of
the closet, entirely delectable, La Guardia's niece,
courting Ed Koch, a little tear, non-oily Vittel,
Lisa's corrupting influence: A is for apple, B for
Boyfriend, C for Condom, reading at kindergarten
level, traffic ticket from the baby, Sit! Stay!
- Ira: "Actors, yeah!"
Paul: "No! [slaps him] Producers!"
Supporting Cast: Lance Brockwell, Troy and Joan.
Guest Characters:
Molly Norman . . . . . . . . . . Kari Coleman
Cackling auditioner . . . . . . . Roger Behr
High pitched auditioner . . . . . Danny Breen
The Chicken Man . . . . . . . . . Ron Darian
Campaign worker . . . . . . . . . Jeanne Mori
In His Own Voice . . . . . . . . James Earl Jones
A politically incorrect Jamie pays the price for commenting about
Ryan's ability as a budding violinist, while a simmering Paul works
up the nerve to confront the therapist about her over-charging ways.
Written by: Moses Port, David Guarascio, Jenji Kohan and
Maria Semple
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: On the feeling of stealing that extra bow.
Tag: On humming "Turkey in the Straw."
Words: Bunko, prefunctory.
Keys:
Cancelling the thing, $80 an hour, or a hundred, near-sighted
with rage, Biiiiig Man, the deal with apologies, butcher
with stubby little hands, Buchman's Sporting Goods Players,
therapy on Tuesdays, perhaps more alone, How does the violin
sound? at $120 an hour.
The debut of Marvin.
- Jamie: "So you do now admit that Fran was not in the least
bit insulted, so your advice was completely wrong and
there was no need to apologize."
Paul: "I do now admit that."
Jamie: "Why does that give me no satisfaction?"
Paul: "Because.. thanks to me, you are in a heap o' trouble?"
Supporting Cast: Ryan Devanow, Sheila Kleinman.
Guest Character:
Marvin, Ira's employee . . . . . . Jeff Garlin
The perils of engaging Paul and Jamie's handyman are visited upon
Lisa, whose fiance Sanford is more than willing to finance Paul's
over-budget documentary project.
Written by: Richard Day
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: About Paul's song, very catchy, too catchy.
Words: Beholden, finessement, bubkus, prefunctory.
Expression: "Sing for my supper"
Keys:
The wrapped-up house, a $9000 rainout, very vocal
refrigerator, digital editing bay, Bill Holden,
dripping, spraying faucet, urinal ice, Faust of
the Chargers, the announcement and the seizure,
Film + buckle = belt, Ziggy in the tub, drain-plug
leverage, and the talk.
- Ziggy: "Oh, c'mon! A little drink never hurt anybody.
Don't believe everything you read!"
Jamie: "It's certainly bringing out the best in you!"
- Lisa: "Where *is* she?"
Paul: "Ah, uh, in the incinerator room, I'll go look."
Lisa: "I need to talk to my sister!"
Paul: "I know, I know you do. Your sister and no one
else will do."
Lisa: "Will you talk to me until she gets here?"
Guest Characters:
Doug, the handyman . . . . . . . . Scott Atkinson
Sanford Klarik, Lisa's fiance . . Billy Morrissette
Zigmund Klarik, his father . . . . Ed Asner
Security agent . . . . . . . . . . Vassili Bogazianos
Nat's sister, an astrologer, is in town and agrees to do charts
for Lisa. Ira and Paul, and a very reluctant Jamie.
Written by: Jenji Kohan and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul nuking an egg.
Tag: Dorie doing Murray's chart, with Nat assisting.
Words: Ebullient, honed, keen.
Expression: "Geez Louise in a handbag"
Keys:
The mentor's review: judicious editing, emulate but never
imitate, Lisa's sweater, friends in New Jersey, a short
stack of flapjacks, 3 charts plus one, Jamie's birthdate
time and place, Nat's resignation (avoiding the cliché),
the birth certificate, 18th or 19th, Aquarius or Pisces,
a liar or an honest person, mentor's re-review: edit with
a blow-torch, Nat's skip and a jump.
The first appearance of Nat this season.
- Jamie: "Nat! What are you doing here?"
Nat: "Well, very much to my dismay, Mrs. Buchman, if what
I witnessed earlier today at my sister's, unfortunately,
I feel that it would be best for everyone concerned if
I were to terminate employment here as your canine
leisure engineer.. effective immediately, unfortunately."
Jamie: "Huh?"
Nat: "I quit."
Nat's Murray-isms:
Mr. Murray, Murray Antoinette, Murray Magdalene.
Fred McMurray, Murray Shriver-Schwarzenegger, Murray Schisgal.
Jan Murray, Murray Murray quite con-trar-...
Supporting Cast: Nat and Theresa.
Guest Characters:
Doris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Melanie Mayron
Prof. E.M. Tomassi . . . . . . . Steven Gilborn
Prof. Tomassi's student . . . . . Dale Godboldo
Manager at Klarik's . . . . . . . Roy Fegan
Customer at Klarik's . . . . . . Fritzi Burr
The Buchmans promise to name their baby, if a boy, after Paul's
ailing uncle Phil, then find out his real name. Meanwhile Paul
is suddenly sure of the baby's sex.
Written by: Maria Semple, Richard Day and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul wearing boxer shorts.
Tag: Phil carrying on about girls' names.
Keys:
Mirabella or Newsweek, Otto or Tito, boy, girl or an owl,
the sneak peek, the Luca Brazzi tone, bed sandwich, the
swivelling neck, toast always golden brown, Dueteronomy
or appendectomy, Jamie's maternal instinct, the Turkey
Trot, a humungous rouge bubble, having one's fill, the
big expert penis-spotter.
- Jamie: "Listen, I hate to do this to you, but I am
the mother."
Paul: "What does that mean?"
Jamie: "I mean, I'm carrying this child and I say
we are not finding out."
Paul: "Are you pulling rank on me?"
Jamie: "Possession is 9/10ths of the law and let's
face it, you've got nothing!"
- Jamie: "Kids can make fun of any name."
Ira: "Oh yah? What about Bob?"
Jamie: "Blob."
Ira: "All right, Joe!"
Jamie: "Schmo."
Ira: "Shelley!"
Jamie: "Smelly."
Ira: "Ira?"
Jamie: "Ira."
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia and Joan.
Guest Characters:
Uncle Phil . . . . . . . . . . . Mel Brooks
Leon, the orderly . . . . . . . . Lawrence A. Mandley
Skippy, the orderly . . . . . . . Eric Alan Kramer
Joan's receptionist . . . . . . . Ann Walker
Paul's great-uncle Marty dies on camera as he is being
interviewed for "Buchman" and his cryptic last words
lead to a few unexpected disclosures among the Clan Buchman.
Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tag: More bad eulogizing by the Rabbi.
Word: Anathema.
Keys:
The New York Times obituary, hummus or cow moos,
Who is God or Hey Miss, Hugh Moss's affair, Uncle
Arnold's accent, Jamie's translations, David's secret,
the non-call to Uncle Harold, moose hunting in August
1933 at Camp Tiki-huni, the riddle solved.
- Jamie: "You call Uncle Harold?"
Paul: "Harold? No, there was no answer."
Jamie: "Did you leave a message?"
Paul: "No machine."
Jamie: "How can he not have a machine?"
Paul: "Because he doesn't understand how they work.
You know how he is with our machine, he talks to it
like a person... "Tell Paul to call me back." Like,
like it's a butler!"
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia and Debbie.
Guest Characters:
Uncle Arnold, Burt's brother . . Len Lesser
Aunt Blossom, his wife . . . . . Jill C. Klein
David, their son . . . . . . . . Sam Lloyd
Uncle Marty, Burt's uncle . . . . Shecky Greene
Uncle Harold . . . . . . . . . . Sid Caesar
Miriam Sass . . . . . . . . . . . Florence Stanley
Hugh Moss . . . . . . . . . . . . Fred de Cordova
Rabbi Lou Mencken . . . . . . . . David Steinberg
An enforced bed-rest of 2 to 3 days for Jamie means Paul has
to attend to her every need, and also deal with lack of heat
in their apartment, and a kidnapping.
Written by: Victor Levin
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Looking for romance in the back-seat of a NYC cab.
Tag: Asking Murray if it is safe to brush his teeth.
Word: Blasé.
Expression: "What did you do?"
Keys:
Placenta previa, breakfast in bed - cereal, an egg, or
potato pancakes, an extra in "Gandhi," Murray's mark,
2 generations of Mrs. Buchmans, matching Gore-Tex parkas,
the glazed-over look, Nat's 60-second calls, Coco or
Wolfgang Puck, Lisa's Christmas tree, Yah-tzee, Ira and
the Suits, the bullet of a tape, a charm bracelet.
- Paul: "This is not what it looks like. I know that."
Joan: "Paul, do you know what all this is?"
Paul: "This is... entirely my fault?"
Joan: "Bingo!"
- Jamie: "Man, I'm hungry!"
Nat's Murray-isms:
Murray Tyler Moore, Murray of the North.
Murray Povich, Murray Queen of Scots.
Murray Osmond, RoseMurray's baby.
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Debbie, Joan, Nat and Mr. Wicker.
Guest Characters:
Al Spehr, the plumber . . . . . . Andrew Craig
Rauschling and partners . . . . . Franc Ross, Harley Zumbrum,
Mark Anthony Nutter
To escape Jamie's baby shower, Paul hits the road with Ira and
Marvin in the latter's van, but his urge to tell insensitive
jokes quickly leads to trouble.
Written by: Paul Reiser, Richard Day and Larry Charles
Directed by: David Steinberg
Tease: Paul fetching a pencil for Jamie.
Tag: Marvin re-telling the dog joke.
Keys:
Games for the shower, poems and Gummi bears, blue and pink
bottles, 3 guys being guys, uptown cabin, the remark,
wide selection of jerkies, no credit, no how, no way,
walk in the cold, ripped pants, the dog joke, the
baby suit, finally some understanding.
- Paul: [tossing a basketball at Marvin]
"Marvin, what do you say?"
Marvin: "You know, I'd love to."
Ira: "No!"
Marvin: "Let me finish.. I'd love to, but my boss is
cruel and demanding." [tosses the ball back]
Supporting Cast: Marvin.
Guest Characters:
The gas-station clerk . . . . . . Harper Roisman
The Bartender . . . . . . . . . . John David Conti
Darla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phyllis Lyons
Dawn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stacey Travis
AA member in the bar . . . . . . Scott Jaeck
Pool players . . . . . . . . . . Greg Lee, Tom Hodges
Paul talks an unwilling Jamie into quitting her job at the mayoral
campaign, but he is less successful in dealing with an exotic bird
that flies into their lives.
Written by: Maria Semple and Richard Day
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Keeping the brain sharp reading "Julius Caesar."
Tag: Keeping up with the super-bird's life-story.
Keys:
Newsnight vs Popeye, Paul the falconer, having a catch,
adding to the vocabulary, Jamsie vs Jamie, Crime and
Punishment in the DA's office, Xeroxing for free,
Yippy and Yappy, from $500 to zero, the bird giveaway,
the wrong studio, the just-in-time rescue, quitting time,
$5 tip for Van Gogh, the best feature revealed.
- Ira: "You know what? I tell you what we should do..
We should capture it. We should sell it to a pet store."
Paul: "No, no, what are you doing? What's the.."
Ira: "Shh! Shh! You've got to sneak up on it!
I saw it on "Daktari."
- Paul: "It's.. You know, it's like when we were getting
married. You were very happy being single, right?"
Jamie: "Yeah."
Paul: "But you traded that in. You got married, that was
a big risk, right?"
Jamie: "Yeah, it certainly was!"
Paul: "So, let me ask you. How did that work out so far?"
Jamie: "So far, not so terrible."
Paul: "So?"
Jamie: "So?"
Paul: "So?"
Jamie: "So?"
Paul: [leaning in] "So?"
Jamie: [softly] "So shut up."
Supporting Cast: Lance, Troy, Vladimir and Maggie.
Guest Characters:
Arthur, the mayor's fixer . . . . Richard Portnow
Judy Kaufman . . . . . . . . . . Deborah Theaker
Newsnight crewman . . . . . . . . David Vegh
Pet store owner . . . . . . . . . Fred Sanders
A very pregnant Jamie insists on helping out at David and Jared's
new coffee shop, with disastrous results. Meanwhile Ira and Paul
help a pregnant woman on a bus.
Story by: Jenji Kohan, Jonathan Leigh Solomon, Moses Port
and David Guarascio
Teleplay by: Maria Semple and Richard Day
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Paul complaining to the cereal company about
missing raisins.
Tag: Ira dealing with the Who Cares billboard.
Keys:
Incidents at D'Agostino's, Madame DeFarge's, the 160 mugs
and the $5500 Cappuccino machine, doing the mature thing,
the cheese shop sketch, the revelation.
- Man: "Can I have a Cappuccino?"
Jamie: "Umm... no."
Man: "An Expresso?"
Jamie: "No."
Man: "Latte?"
Jamie: "No."
Man: "House blend?"
Jamie: [pause, looks around] "Uh, no."
Man: "Mocha Grande?"
Jamie: "No."
Man: "Cafe au lait?"
Jamie: "No."
Man: "Brewed decaf?"
Jamie: "Sorry."
Man: "Any coffee product at all?"
Jamie: "No."
Man: [pause] "Was that a Starbuck's I saw down the street?"
Jamie: "Yes."
Man: [leaving] "Thanks!"
Guest Characters:
David, Paul's cousin . . . . . . Sam Lloyd
Renee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kevin E. Ross
The little boy . . . . . . . . . Kevin Keckeisen
His mother . . . . . . . . . . . Jean St. James
D'Agostino's stock-boy . . . . . Greg Longstreet
Man looking for coffee . . . . . John Webber
Paul and Jamie flunk out of a birthing class Joan has managed
to get them enrolled in. Meanwhile "Buchman" is being held
hostage by the elder Buchmans and a stolen spoon saga.
Written by: Moses Port, David Guarascio and Larry Charles
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tease: Jamie revealing the end to expedite a video return
(Kramer vs. Kramer).
Tag: Amy trying the home run to Roosevelt Island, but
hey, it happens to the best of us!
Keys:
Effacement, lightening and fundus, the Dromedary droop
and Taylor stretches, the birthing video, Roosevelt
Hospital or Roosevelt Island, the release forms,
The JFK commemorative spoon, denial and confession,
Ira's investigation, Elvis lives.
- Paul: "They are about to have a baby..."
Jamie: "Look, look, she's pushing!"
Paul: "I shouldn't watch this..."
Jamie: "Of course you should, honey! This is us, this is the...
[pauses] My goodness! They just show everything,
don't they?"
Paul: "What is that?"
Jamie: "Honey, that's the crowning, that's when the baby's head
finally... Whoa!"
Paul: "Oh!"
Jamie: "Holy Mother of God!" [hides her face]
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia and Debbie.
Guest Characters:
Amy, the instructor . . . . . . . Marsha Warfield
First (and last) Cabbie . . . . . Sergei Brusilovsky
Second cabbie . . . . . . . . . . Gerry Bednob
Policeman . . . . . . . . . . . . Zaid Farid
Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nikki Lee
Birthing classmates . . . . . . . Kevin Contreras,
Mary Anne Schafer
Paul and Jamie are advised by their lawyer to select guardians
for the baby, and to their astonishment, rejections pile up.
Meanwhile Jamie is flattered by the attentions of an 18-year old.
Story by: Jonathan Leigh Solomon
Teleplay by: Victor Levin
Directed by: Michael Lembeck
Tag: Bobby and Ursula, "Casablanca" style.
Keys:
Lisa's party, Jamie the babe, the first list: Fran and
Mark on the phone, guardians to 6 kids, tunnel breakup,
the second list: Joan and Debbie, then Burt and Sylvia,
Ursula's 2 heartbreaks from 3 guys, Sylvia's exercise,
the concert at 51 Fifth, the multiple acceptances.
The only appearance of Ursula and Mark (voice) this season.
- Ursula: "Are you pregnant?"
Jamie: "Yes."
Ursula: "Okay, I'm going to get you a booster seat."
- Paul: "You know what I'm realizing? We don't have
so many friends!"
Jamie: "I know!"
Paul: "Why is that? We used to have many friends, didn't we?"
Jamie: "We did."
Paul: "So where did they do?
[pause] Like Selby, what the hell happened to him?"
Jamie: "Please don't call him."
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Debbie, Joan, Ursula
and Mark (voice).
Guest Characters:
Bobby Rubenfeld . . . . . . . . . Seth Green
His sister . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Leslie
Jane, Lisa's friend . . . . . . . Megan Mullally
Oscar, the doorman . . . . . . . Joe Alfasa
Folks on Fifth Avenue . . . . . . Golde Starger, Cynthia Frost,
Danny Dayton, David Fresco
and E.J. Callahan
Theresa and Sylvia vie for the new crib honors, with predictable
consequences. On another front, Paul wins big at poker but is paid
off by Marvin in the form of specially-priced household chores.
Written by: Richard Day
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tease: Paul offering to help in the kitchen.
Tag: Jamie cleaning up around the poker table.
Keys:
Crib catalogue next to the carrots, Theresa's reaction,
antiquing find, Star Wars critique, quilting bond,
Jamie's grand strategy: the flower curl stitch, poker
hands, Jamie and the boys, #300 payoff, gothic or
garish, the pillow fight, the joint crib, upcoming
oneupsmanship.
- Jamie: "Mom, what was all that about?"
Theresa: "Oh, nothing. I just thought maybe I had left
my umbrella out in the hall."
Jamie: "Your umbrella?"
Theresa: "Yes."
Jamie: "It's not raining."
Theresa: "Well, I know, but umm... they said it might."
Jamie: "Who?"
Theresa: [with intonation] "The News."
Jamie: "Which channel?"
Theresa: "Four."
Jamie: "Four said sun."
Theresa: "Six."
Jamie: "Six is Spanish!"
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Theresa and Marvin.
Guest Characters:
Poker buddies . . . . . . . . . . Mailon Rivera, Leon W. Grant
Delivery men . . . . . . . . . . Don Cummins, Ric Edinger
Paul's documentary gets a surprisingly good review at a film
festival, Jamie runs into an old flame in a cab, Paul gets a
grand tour of the innards of Roosevelt Hospital courtesy of a
film star, and yes, the baby arrives...
Written by: Larry Charles
Directed by: Gordon Hunt
Tag: The first Happy Birthday chorus.
Word: Concussed.
Keys:
Gershwin's cousin Milton, Showtime a week early, the
familiar cabbie, Braxton Hicks contractions, one or
two calls, North American Documentary Film Festival,
the warmth, the heart, the pathos, the second alarm,
the improvised inducement, a brother, a sister or a
schnauzer, one last lingering look back, tussle for
the good room, the ring on the chain, Nat's congrats,
"Die Already," the restroom encounter, a hug, a kiss
and a proposition, pals comparing pregnancy notes,
going drug-free, the closed window, hand squeezed
like a sock puppet, Lisa's reaction, the no-name baby.
- Paul: "What do you mean? This is not it?"
Joan: "Nope, not it. Often mistaken for it, but not it."
Jamie: "You sure this isn't it?"
Joan: "Yup, false 'it.' Take my word for it. That's
my job, distinguishing actual 'it' from not 'it'!"
- Bruce: "Hey, you pick out any names yet?"
Paul: "Names? Well, we have a few thoughts.
[pause] You have any ideas?"
Bruce: "What?"
Paul: "What are your kids' names?"
Bruce: "Rumer, Scout and Tallulah-Belle."
Paul: "Yeah. [pause] We'll think of something."
- Spanish woman: [soothingly] "He'll be here."
- Paul: "Don't even pay attention to them..."
Jamie: "Shh!"
Paul: "You just focus on--"
Jamie: "Don't talk!"
Paul: "Why not?"
Jamie: "Just don't!"
Paul: "You just focus on--"
Joan: "Keep breathing Jamie, you are doing great."
Paul: "You really are, you're doing just--"
Jamie: "Don't talk!"
Paul: "Just me?"
Jamie: "Yes."
Paul: "I'm not allowed to talk ab--"
Jamie: "Please."
Paul: "Joan just talked--"
Jamie: "Anybody can talk, just not you."
Paul: "I just don't understand why--"
Jamie: "Are you kidding me now?
You're going to pick a fight with me now?"
Paul: "No, no, no--"
Jamie: "You're going to start with me now?
[a contraction hits] Whoooahhhhh!!!!"
- Paul: "Hi! Hi little baby! Hey, that's your mommy!"
Jamie: "Hi!"
Paul: "I'm your daddy! Well, welcome to the world...
And we'll be your hosts..."
Jamie: "Yes!"
Paul: [kissing Jamie's head] "You know what?"
Jamie: "What?"
Paul: "Turns out, *this* is the good room!"
Supporting Cast: Burt, Sylvia, Debbie, Gus, Theresa,
Joan, Nat, Alan and Sheila.
Guest Characters:
Aunt Ida . . . . . . . . . . . . Estelle Getty
Paul's crewman . . . . . . . . . Jack Esformes
Dan, the policeman . . . . . . . David Dunard
Orderly . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anthony Mangano
Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judyann Elder
Spanish woman . . . . . . . . . . Rita Gomez
Muriel and Irwin . . . . . . . . Alison Martin, Dean Cameron
Ben, Joan's colleague . . . . . . John Gegenhuber
Dr. Eckstine . . . . . . . . . . Lance E. Nichols
Reporter . . . . . . . . . . . . Penny Greigo
Security . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul D'Ambrosio
Bruno's friend . . . . . . . . . Stoney Westmoreland
Security Chief . . . . . . . . . Beau Billingslea
Folks at Film Festival . . . . . Susie Coelho, James Martin
Cabbie #2 . . . . . . . . . . . . David Correia
Cabbie #3 . . . . . . . . . . . . Roy Goldman
As himself . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Moore
As himself . . . . . . . . . . . Bruce Willis
Created by: Paul Reiser and Danny Jacobson
Executive Producers: Larry Charles, Paul Reiser, Danny Jacobson
Co-Executive Producer: Richard Day
Supervising Producer: Victor Levin
Producers: Bob Heath, Helen Hunt, Craig Knizek,
Jenji Kohan, Maria Semple
Coordinating Producer: Mary Connelly
Associate Producers: David Craig, Geof Addison
Script Supervisor: Victoria Weisbart
Production Coordinator: Linda Demeduk
Costumes: Howard A. Sussman and Maureen Gates
Art Direction: Robert Strohmaier
Photography: Bobby Byrne
Editing: Sheila Amos
Sound Mixing: Peter Damski
Writers: Leslie Caveny, Larry Charles, Ron Darian, Richard Day,
David Guarascio, Jenji Kohan, Victor Levin, Moses Port,
Paul Reiser, Maria Semple and Jonathan Leigh Solomon.
Directors: Gordon Hunt, Michael Lembeck and David Steinberg.
Please send in comments/corrections to: Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com]